Christmas is fast approaching...presents are wrapped and under the tree (an obscene amount this year....the grandparents went a little overboard, lol)...the turkey will be purchased soon...cookies for Santa need to be made...it's a busy season.
And, I thought I would put my Christmas wish out there. It's not quite what you might think...I'm not asking for clothes, or shoes, or books, or DVD's or, well, anything tangible actually. Nope, my wish is different.
My wish backstory: I need to start here.
All of you who read this know that Kieran has polydactyly of the left thumb. We're know he is going to have surgery sometime this summer to remove the extra thumb. What we're not sure of is the outcome for his "regular" thumb.
After his birth, I did some online reading of various sources (hospital info, research papers, etc) and discovered that usually, the "normal" thumb is smaller than normal and probably less functional. We thought we were okay on this front-as Kieran's "normal" thumbs on both the right and left hand were the same size.
However, we started to notice (within a few weeks of his birth) that he just didn't have quite the same grip with the left hand as the right-he didn't seem to want to wrap that thumb ("regular" one) and forefinger around adult fingers as much as he did the right hand.
Well, a couple of days ago, I noticed that his grip with that hand really hasn't improved-at least not as much as the right hand has. I also noticed that while that thumb has grown (as have the rest of his hand/fingers on both sides), the "normal" thumb on the left has not grown as much as the right. It's smaller-both shorter and slimmer than the thumb on his right hand. The joint on the left is also tighter-he's not able to bend it as much, and it just doesn't seem to have the same dexterity when I manipulate it.
So, I have to ask the doctor some more questions (in a month, at his 4 month well-baby visit). At this point, we're not sure if his left thumb will catch up to the right, or if it will always be smaller, or what the function of it might be.
It of course doesn't both him in the least...he's never known different. He's a happy, healthy baby. He loves to talk to us, smiles like crazy and is working on a laugh! We've gotten a few gurgly-giggly noises out of him. He's got quite the personality!
My biggest worry about Kieran's thumb-how others will react. I don't want him teased when he is in school (if the remaining thumb is much smaller/less functioning), I don't want people making comments about him...he's just a kid, a little boy. My single biggest fear-that he won't be accepted as is...among friends and especially among family.
Sure, Jason and I wish that he didn't have this-not because we're ashamed or embarassed-heck, we count ourselves lucky that he has a thumb-it could be worse. We think he's perfect the way he is. We just wish that for his sake-he didn't have something so obvious that identifies him as "abnormal". People are mean...we don't want him to experience that..
So back to my Christmas wish....everyone is always so consumed over their wants for actual Christmas presents....
For my Christmas gift, I'd like everyone to take some time out to teach their kids that differences amongst other kids is okay...and that it's NOT okay to make fun of someone due to a physical "defect"-afterall, they can't help the way they were born. I'd like everyone to stop making fun of someone they see because they walk funny, or have a weird looking body part, or sound funny...
Really, it's an easy Christmas wish to grant me...it doesn't cost anything, you don't have to take it to the post office, and it'll make the world a nicer place to a child. (or an adult-they sure don't need the insults either).
Wednesday 10 December 2008
Thursday 20 November 2008
Work in Progress
I took a big step today.
I posted previously about my frustration and stress levels and I really haven't improved anything on my own. In fact, I had forgotten that I made it my goal to be less stressed. Bad, I know.
But, today, I decided that I need some extra help in decreasing my frustration/stress/anxiety level. I decided to seek out some treatment, either counseling/meds or both.
I think a lot of the behavior issues we are seeing with Brendan stem from my lack of patience and my frustration/stress levels. The more stressed I get at his behavior, the worse he behaves.
So, I should hear back tomorrow about what to do next. I am actually looking forward to this in weird sort of way-I am looking forward to trying to get back to being the me I liked- and the me that was more patient, more understanding, and just a better mom.
I posted previously about my frustration and stress levels and I really haven't improved anything on my own. In fact, I had forgotten that I made it my goal to be less stressed. Bad, I know.
But, today, I decided that I need some extra help in decreasing my frustration/stress/anxiety level. I decided to seek out some treatment, either counseling/meds or both.
I think a lot of the behavior issues we are seeing with Brendan stem from my lack of patience and my frustration/stress levels. The more stressed I get at his behavior, the worse he behaves.
So, I should hear back tomorrow about what to do next. I am actually looking forward to this in weird sort of way-I am looking forward to trying to get back to being the me I liked- and the me that was more patient, more understanding, and just a better mom.
Monday 3 November 2008
Frustration
I've been feeling very frustrated lately. Frustrated with hubby, frustrated with myself. Frustrated at the kiddo (the older one).
And it's not fair.
I've realized that I've been taking out my frustration with things on my kiddo. Not physically mind you-just being short-tempered and less patient than I should be.
My frustration stems from a lot-I'm frustrated the hubby switched work shifts and is hardly home-and when he does, he sits around. I know he is working long hours, but dammit, so am I...I just don't report to an outside workplace. I work hard every day taking care of kids, hubby, house...and running all the errands, etc. It certainly doesn't qualify as doing nothing.
I have decided though that I really, really need to be more patient with Brendan. I don't like who I have become lately with regards to him-I'm not giving him the time to just be a two year old. I get impatient when he doesn't want to follow my schedule, or wants to dwadle, or just wants to do well, nothing I want to do. I think lately more in terms of "I need to" rather than "he needs to".
It's not fair to him, that's for sure. He needs time to just discover, explore, be a little kid.
So my goal-to be more patient and understanding. To yell less, use a sharp tone less....to make him feel like he is the most loved kid in the world...since of course, he is (along with his brother!)
I have a feeling that right now is just a trying stage...but I'm trying to remember I am the adult, and the one that knows better and has the capacity for patience, understanding and that I need to use them more!
Of course, reading all of this makes me sound like a terrible parent...I don't think I am a terrible parent. I think just the opposite in fact- I work really hard to make sure my children know what is most important-that they are loved, for who they are, no strings attached, and that I can recognize when something isn't going like it should and can admit that to myself and strive to change it.
Wish me luck!
And it's not fair.
I've realized that I've been taking out my frustration with things on my kiddo. Not physically mind you-just being short-tempered and less patient than I should be.
My frustration stems from a lot-I'm frustrated the hubby switched work shifts and is hardly home-and when he does, he sits around. I know he is working long hours, but dammit, so am I...I just don't report to an outside workplace. I work hard every day taking care of kids, hubby, house...and running all the errands, etc. It certainly doesn't qualify as doing nothing.
I have decided though that I really, really need to be more patient with Brendan. I don't like who I have become lately with regards to him-I'm not giving him the time to just be a two year old. I get impatient when he doesn't want to follow my schedule, or wants to dwadle, or just wants to do well, nothing I want to do. I think lately more in terms of "I need to" rather than "he needs to".
It's not fair to him, that's for sure. He needs time to just discover, explore, be a little kid.
So my goal-to be more patient and understanding. To yell less, use a sharp tone less....to make him feel like he is the most loved kid in the world...since of course, he is (along with his brother!)
I have a feeling that right now is just a trying stage...but I'm trying to remember I am the adult, and the one that knows better and has the capacity for patience, understanding and that I need to use them more!
Of course, reading all of this makes me sound like a terrible parent...I don't think I am a terrible parent. I think just the opposite in fact- I work really hard to make sure my children know what is most important-that they are loved, for who they are, no strings attached, and that I can recognize when something isn't going like it should and can admit that to myself and strive to change it.
Wish me luck!
Friday 31 October 2008
The Zen of Running
I had bootcamp again today. I joined an intense, 12 week bootcamp fitness program run off-base here in Okinawa, by a guy named John. He's pretty awesome-I went to his aerobics/toning classes throughout my pregnancy with Kieran, and now, it's time to get into shape.
Bootcamp was running today. Boy, it's still really hot at 9:30am-way to hot to run. I'm so out of shape after this pregnancy that I'm having a hard time finding my "zen" while running-that point at which you kind of tune stuff out, other than your shoes slapping the pavement, or the rhythym of your breaths going in and out.
Running is such a relaxing, settling activity. One foot after another, always moving forward. Breathe in, breathe out. In and out. At some point, (when I am in good shape) I settle into my "zen"...nothing around me matters anymore. I am just concentrating on moving forward.
I can't wait to get back into shape-into good enough shape to hit this zen zone every time I run. Right now, I'm struggling. I want to be back into great shape-but it's an uphill battle. I have to really watch what I eat, make some changes in my diet, and get working out even more. Bootcamp meets 5 days a week-and I am going to need to add in an additional class 3-4 times a week, to really improve.
It's hard work, but I'm going to have to do it.
Bootcamp was running today. Boy, it's still really hot at 9:30am-way to hot to run. I'm so out of shape after this pregnancy that I'm having a hard time finding my "zen" while running-that point at which you kind of tune stuff out, other than your shoes slapping the pavement, or the rhythym of your breaths going in and out.
Running is such a relaxing, settling activity. One foot after another, always moving forward. Breathe in, breathe out. In and out. At some point, (when I am in good shape) I settle into my "zen"...nothing around me matters anymore. I am just concentrating on moving forward.
I can't wait to get back into shape-into good enough shape to hit this zen zone every time I run. Right now, I'm struggling. I want to be back into great shape-but it's an uphill battle. I have to really watch what I eat, make some changes in my diet, and get working out even more. Bootcamp meets 5 days a week-and I am going to need to add in an additional class 3-4 times a week, to really improve.
It's hard work, but I'm going to have to do it.
Thursday 30 October 2008
For Brendan:
Brendan, my first baby boy, is two. Two has been a challenging age for him (and me!).
So, I wanted to remind myself of all the wonderful things about him.
Ten Things I Love About You:
1. I love, love, love your beautiful blue eyes, and loooong eyelashes!
2. I love the way you say "Oh yes!" when you are responding to a question.
3. I love the way you kiss and hug your baby brother.
4. I love the way your eyes light up at something new and wonderful.
5. I love the way you have started singing the songs I've taught you.
6. I love your adoration of your Mama, Papa and Uncle Ian.
7. I love the way you say "Mommy like that" when you've done something you know I'll approve of!
8. I love the way you've learned to say "please," "thank you," and "excuse me."
9. I love the way that you love me, even if I'm not the perfect mom.
10. Most of all, I love that you are my son and that I have the privilege of being your Mommy.
I am working hard on being patient, understanding, and simply just enjoying the toddler years with you-I know that all too soon, they'll be over and I'll be looking back, wishing to visit them just one more time.
Brendan, my first baby boy, is two. Two has been a challenging age for him (and me!).
So, I wanted to remind myself of all the wonderful things about him.
Ten Things I Love About You:
1. I love, love, love your beautiful blue eyes, and loooong eyelashes!
2. I love the way you say "Oh yes!" when you are responding to a question.
3. I love the way you kiss and hug your baby brother.
4. I love the way your eyes light up at something new and wonderful.
5. I love the way you have started singing the songs I've taught you.
6. I love your adoration of your Mama, Papa and Uncle Ian.
7. I love the way you say "Mommy like that" when you've done something you know I'll approve of!
8. I love the way you've learned to say "please," "thank you," and "excuse me."
9. I love the way that you love me, even if I'm not the perfect mom.
10. Most of all, I love that you are my son and that I have the privilege of being your Mommy.
I am working hard on being patient, understanding, and simply just enjoying the toddler years with you-I know that all too soon, they'll be over and I'll be looking back, wishing to visit them just one more time.
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